(男人恥辱)【女朋友完全唔驚我去偷食】

文:
2016.02.05

文:藍橘子

 

  

 

有一日,我好無聊地問咗女朋友小豆一個問題。
 
「其實妳驚唔驚我出去偷食?」
「唔驚。」女朋友氣定神閒繼續玩手機。
 
不過咁,《我的少女時代》林真心講過,女仔話唔緊要即係緊要,話無事即係有事…咁佢話唔驚,係咪即係代表驚到成日都訓唔著呢?
 
「唔會嘅,我知妳驚嘅~咪扮嘢啦!」
「真係唔驚囉…」
「…」佢一定係呃我!
「驚啦!」
「唔驚。」
「喂…驚啦求吓妳…」唔知點解,我覺得自己越來越無尊嚴…
「驚乜鬼啫?!」佢終於放低部電話理吓我感受。
「唔係驚鬼啊!係驚我出軌啊!上次妳唔係同我講,妳個朋友拍咗八年拖而家仲係keep住一拖三咩?我可能而家一拖五都唔定呢!」
 
「痴線…你份人咁懶,又怕麻煩,我同屋企人返鄉下你竟然可以宅足喺屋企幾日。點會出軌啊?」點知,女朋友一開就收唔到口。
 
「你想一拖二咩?嗱唔好話我唔提你,你要成日刪除啲訊息,又唔可以keep相,出街又驚畀朋友撞到,又要諗點先唔會畀另一個撞到…嘩唔止啊!紀念日又要記兩個,生日日期又記兩個,兩個女仔鍾意食乜、鍾意咩色都要記㗎…」

女朋友仲加咗句:「你咁鬼無記性,邊日同邊個食飯,交電話費同信用卡數都係我幫你記,你記到咁多嘢咩?慳啲啦藍橙仔…」
 
「……」我無言反駁,的確我有咩飯局,都會叫女朋友幫我記低喺我間房個日曆,喺雙方都得閒嘅日子佢會自己加上『約會日』,基本上我係睇住個日曆做人…
 
唔怪得女朋友咁氣定神閒,因為佢實在太瞭解我…
我有種畀人睇小嘅感覺,不過諗深一層,偷食又真係好煩,大佬啊!我唔記得啲紀念日已經要被人擰甩個頭,仲要記兩個?!都係咪搞我…
 
女孩子怕男友會偷食,其實無得好驚,就算睇晒佢手機所有訊息,佢一樣可以用另一張電話卡。
但相對地,如果男友唔想畀人懷疑自己偷食,
就唔好做埋啲小動作,又鎖相簿、手機又關通知、又刪訊息…

仲有…可以考慮好似我咁懶同無記性。 

 

本篇圖文獲作者藍橘子授權刊登,未經准許,請勿轉載!

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作者其他文章:

>> 右手係我女朋友 

>> 點用電話最慳電? 

>> 倒數最重要是當我數到0,身邊是妳… 

>> 坤哥,一個努力的最好例子 

 

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