[網傳熱文]《做過婚姻介紹中心,先明白有d女係傻架。第二集》(上)

文:
2015.01.17

文: 陸師弟

近日高登討論區的網絡潮文《做過婚姻介紹中心,先明白有d女係傻架》廣受歡迎,自稱在婚姻介紹中心任職三年的作者「張子石」分享工作中遇到奇怪客人的經歷,故事首個 Case 裡是潑辣的中女Jolly姐,雖然幾經困難,最後作者也替她找到老公,大團圓結局【詳看另文:《做過婚姻介紹中心,先明白有d女係傻架》第一集》!兩天後,續集出來了,第二個 case 的主角是MK妹少女Kelly。今次故事的粗口比上集少了,但都是保留文章神髓,內文粗口不作刪改,第二集原文如下:

第二個case呢,主角係一位少女黎,少到一個地步係我諗佢有機會係我公司由八十年代開業以黎最後生既一位

第一次係office見其實無乜特別,都係吹下水睇吓佢啲背景呀,要求呀,個人經歷咁上下,咁但係呢,有一樣好向左走向右走特別,唔係,我應該講,係好向左走向右走與眾不同既呢,就係呢位小姐係真係好向左走向右走MK

咁佢就踢住對cons,咁佢條短褲我諗就應該同我條底褲差唔多cutting然後之左半kai蘿柚出黎,跟住件背心又跌膊又穿窿又剩,咁其實我對 其他人既個人品味就無乜意見既,我個人係好free架,基本上佢唔著衫我都唔反對,但係問題係,我幫佢做得登記,約得佢去event,佢咁樣著呢就有小小 比較太過狂野,即係呢,即係有種虎入羊群既感覺,Auntie,你知唔知我load左幾耐先諗到用啲咁婉轉既說話黎勸佢下次著好啲呀,但佢又頭岳岳咁都唔 知明唔明我講乜勁
即係啲男仔呢,就會好似啲羊咁呀,見到你就會有種

死啦,有種咩呢,我一時間load唔到個term,哎但係呢位小姐接到口喎

我知,勁縮!

係啦,勁縮,見到你咁強呀,即係個氣勢,咁就會勁縮啦,咁所以你不妨呢,放低一下個氣場先

我真係覺得呢,做呢行其中一樣最向左走向右走難既野,係你要將一啲好簡單既野講向左走向右走到好勁複雜又好向左走向右走婉轉講向左走向右走到我最尾都唔知我講乜

得啦得啦,知架啦

佢話就係咁話,但係我依家諗返,真係唔應該信佢,因為當我第一次約左佢去event見到佢個look之後,我果下第一個反應唉呀lai撻啦今次

咁因為Kelly比較後生呀,所以我其實係安排左佢去啲young啲既event,咁果晚係book左間樓上既cafe,佢有個天台仔可以比你係好向左走向右走多高樓大廈既包圍之下比樓上啲師奶睥住既情況下係燒下烤

咁果晚大家係比較casual,咁但係呀Kelly個氣勢呢,你明唔明,係好似周秀娜個波咁係強勁到逼到你透唔到氣

咁果晚呀Kelly化左個好行既妝,而我相信啦,佢係唔識化妝架,啲眼影打到好深好深深向左走向右走到好似比人鍾左兩槌咁,然後佢條裙係果隻希臘式果種一條布咁綁黎綁去然後打幾個結好向左走向右走sexy好向左走向右走mk果種呢

一打開lift門見到佢個look就知今次lai撻,跟手我公司另一個同事死八婆贊拿斯佢老母臭系佢笑喎,最重要係咩呀,佢唔係笑勁Kelly呀,佢係笑勁我呀Auntie臭系!

嘩你啲囡好掂喎

嘩我果吓真係唔好話塊面,我直程連龜頭都紅向左走向右走埋,即係如果你約左條女出街,食譚仔姐,佢著到咁行,我真係會野都唔想同佢講whatsapp佢不如我地分開坐

喂,子石,又話黎接我

嘩Auntie,比佢咁樣叫一叫,真係唔好話狗窿,有既話屎坑我都想捐落去,個場面真係好向左走向右走尷尬個勁個望住曬陰陰嘴咁

 

 

 

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之後果晚我情緒好低落,已經唔想應人,但係好唔好彩既係,由於呢啲young啲既event同時又係cheap啲既event,嗱我指價錢咋吓,咁我被迫兼任呢個MC同呀贊拿斯拍擋

咁講吓贊拿斯啦,年近三十既今天一個,本身就叫Janice既,但係佢就成日號稱話自己ABC所以有啲唔係乜勁accent,然後Janice會讀向左走向右走左做贊nice咁是向左走向右走但啦咪叫贊拿斯囉

講返呀Kelly啦,我相信佢係蒲開既,因為果晚icebreaking完佢就開始係咁劈係咁劈,咁其實間cafe係有酒水既,咁但係你知黎到呢啲speed dating event,大家都會收歛吓,咁但係如果佢要劈,咁我地又真係吹佢唔脹

但係我係好後悔,依家諗返我果陣真係應該當機立斷見佢開始黎料就攞起技青島兜頭打Seven佢老母個臭系

話說呀Kelly幾杯落肚之後就黎料啦,佢點呢,佢就開始搵人之渣pump巴啦,Hi Auntie真係當自己去左劈場咁,我唔知點解會有人同佢玩,我淨係知佢之渣pump巴左幾輪之後成場啲氣氛就被佢搞歪

好多人唔明,覺得熱鬧啲唔好咩,Hi 你咩,熱鬧?家陣過年呀?呢度婚姻介紹中心黎架,我唔要過年呀,我要情人節呀,你咁中意熱鬧你情人節唔好去酒樓擺酒?咁你話識多啲朋友唔好咩,好,實好架,但係呢度係婚姻介紹中心呀,婚姻呀,我地係要一個暖場,唔係熱場唔係冷場,係warm呀,即係唔會太陌生但又唔會太熱鬧呀

呀Kelly自己係玩得好happy,又叫又跳,仲唱向左走向右走埋K好似gem gem咁姨野以夜儀野咁好投入技咪幾乎要插埋落喉嚨,但係人地點傾計呢?咁咪食曬屎囉



其實呢一切都算啦,但最大既問題係咩呢,就係散場既時候,Kelly已經醉到不醒人士,人地要收鋪,而無人知佢住邊

fine,你話咁登記果陣有架嘛,係,但係無人會帶住係身架嘛,更加無人估到去speed dating都會有人冧架嘛

贊拿斯叫我送佢返屋企,咁其實唔洗條八婆叫我諗我都會扮下野咁做,但係抬左佢上車之後,咁我又唔知佢住邊,佢條希臘裙又開始鬆鬆地打曬底褲胸圍出 黎我仲睇到係厘士邊咁姣添,而咁啱得咁橋,我又有啲眼訓,咁我又相信Kelly依家好需要休息,咁我果刻就諗啦,呀,唔知洗唔洗book間房黎訓呢? ......


未完!格式所限,按此繼續收看《做過婚姻介紹中心,先明白有d女係傻架》(第二集。中)

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